1. Distances

Distances

After I travelled far from my country , I wanted to mingle with the outer world, see new places , meet new people , away from the nuisances I have gone through. This put me through a lot of changes and my perspectives of the world changed immensely. I forgot a lot of past pain, my heart melted with the breathtaking views of nature and as I came close to the mountains I felt a sense of satisfaction. That time it did not matter much to me with whom I travelled , friends or family or acquaintances - the nature GOD was pulling me through.

I tried to be busy as much concentrating on career , avoiding lone times which reminded me that I lost you. Inspite of having to live in a different busy world, your memories did not fade away completely and after sometime , a new kind of thought surfaced - you being with some one else ,  holding someone close completely being oblivious of my existence in your life. That were times which pricked me and told what a mistake I have done , I cannot be with anyone else but you. I used to see you in pictures and everyday dreaded that there will be someone by your side and my heart will not be able to handle it. But you were not thinking the same - you looked happy and contained on photos , on messages, every-time I spoke on few instances of email. So I was kind of hanging in the middle.

Bitten by time and one last step I was somewhat forced to , I befriended you from all my social contact sites. Your constant thought was killing me no matter how hard I was trying. I thought this was the best thing to do for now unless one fine day after a long long time, I might see you again with your happy family and that day I will not feel so bad.

But how would I live without someone to adhere to. My age was right and by influenced words, I decided to have a child to move on. My trial succeeded and I welcomed the little one in family and taking care of him all day , playing with the little arms.This went through for some time like a year or two , I managed to keep a balance with the family for which I grew apathy. Between work and child , my routine got me somewhat distant from you.

Far far away from you I went
Will not come back again was I sure
Mother earth gave me her lap for laying
And enjoy the vast nature beckoning
Lost you long back but your being embedded in my heart in deep
Could not let anyone touch it nor could unburden the feel
Sometimes had seen you in pictures, You seemed as happy as to be
Sometimes sent one or two mails, To remind you of me
But this could not go on for long, As I was in a life so different
Befriended you so as one last try to move on
You will soon find someone who will love you more than me
With contrary to myself will be beautiful and spirit free
You will find joy on earth for holding her close
All your time will go to her, connect to her prose
The thought of being alone dreaded me often
Will I be left alone to love no one then?
Some could understand me, close ones you can say
All these can be resolved if a baby is on the way
So as I had no other thing , thought why not try
You have not ever but God may listen to my cry
I could get pregnant in a little time
Got a reason to take care of myself one more time
Felt so happy with the little being who came
Being mother is altogether a different game.